![]() ![]() ![]() Then ask how you would behave if you really wanted those results. Ask what you want for yourself, what you want for others, and what you want for the relationship.To move back to motives that allow for dialogue, we must step away from the interaction and look at ourself. Our motives usually change without any conscious thought on our part.When faced with pressure and strong opinions, we often stop worrying about the goal of adding to the pool of meaning and start looking for ways to win, punish, or keep the peace.These people maintain focus by: sticking with their goals and what they want and not making Fool’s Choices, and so they believe that dialogue is an option regardless of the circumstances.Skilled people Start with Heart that is, they begin high-risk discussions with the right motives, and they stay focused no matter what happens.People who are best at dialogue realize that the only person we can continually inspire, prod, and shape with any degree of success is the person in the mirror.The first step of achieving the results that we really want is to fix the problem of believing that others are the source of all that ails us.Whenever we find ourselves arguing, debating, running away, or otherwise acting in an ineffective way, it’s because we don’t know how to share meaning.The time you spend up front establishing a shared pool of meaning is more than paid for by faster, more unified, and more committed action later on.Because the meaning is shared, and everyone takes part in the free flow of meaning, people act on whatever decisions they make with both unity and conviction.From a free flow of meaning, we can create a whole that is truly greater than the sum of its original parts. The pool of shared meaning is also the birthplace of synergy.It is a measure of the group’s intelligence. As the pool of shared meaning grows, it exposes individuals to more accurate and relevant information, and so they make better choices.People who are skilled at dialogue do their best to make it safe for everyone to add their meaning to the shared pool. Our opinions, feelings, theories, and experiences of a topic fill our personal pool of meaning. ![]() We call this free flow of meaning dialogue. When it comes to risky, controversial, and emotional conversations, skilled people find a way to get all relevant information out into the open.Those who master crucial conversations avoid the Fool’s Choice, where we think we must choose between telling the truth and keeping a friend, or between candor and kindness.The negative feelings we hold in, the emotional pain we suffer, and the constant battering we endure as we stumble our way through unhealthy conversations slowly eat away at our health.Ĭhapter 2: Mastering Crucial Conversations.People fall into three categories: Those who digress into threats and name-calling, those who revert to silent fuming, and those who speak openly, honestly, and effectively.In every relationship, the partners argue about important issues but not everyone breaks up.But really it’s about employee behavior, where crucial conversations beget accountability. Most leaders think organizational productivity and performance are simply about policies, processes, structures, or systems.In the workplace, the individuals who are the most influential, or who can get things done and at the same time build on relationships, are those who master their crucial conversations.The Law of Crucial Conversations says that the key skill of effective leaders, teammates, parents, and loved ones is the capacity to skillfully address emotionally and politically risky issues. ![]()
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